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A letter to me, aged 16. [Feb. 19th, 2011|07:27 am]

Dear 16 year old Jayne,

You think you know everything, you don't.  You have so much to learn.  Listen to everyone when they tell you he isn't right for you.  He's old enough to be your dad.  A relationship isn't a relationship if you have to hide it from everyone, especially those you love.  Your dad is only angry with you for seeing him because he loves you, not because he's trying to ruin your life.  This 'boyfriend' is holding you back, dump him now, you're skipping class and he'll ruin your life at uni.

So you proved everyone wrong and did OK on your A Levels, give it a rest, you know you could have done better and you know you settled for a second rate uni because the old man couldn't get into any of the better ones.

But enough about that, you saw sense eventually.  Well, a certain someone else helped you, but thats beside the point. 

Spend time with your mam.  Don't shut her out or take her for granted.  You don't realise it right now, but you only have another 3 and a half years left with her, so enjoy it.  Something positive will come out of her death, because everything happens for a reason, when she goes I think it will help you to know that there are 2 reasons.

1.  You'll raise a shed load of money for the Leukaemia and Lyphoma Research Fund. 

2. It'll be the push you need to leave England and move to Qatar. Lets face it, you'd have never left when she was ill and really it was the best thing you ever do.

Don't worry about finding the right person, getting married and having kids.  It will happen.

If only you'd read this letter.

Lots of love,

Jayne (25) x

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centre pieces [Mar. 23rd, 2008|03:43 pm]

 So I thought that we had fully decided on our centre pieces.  We don't have much of a budget for them so, as we are getting married at Christmas, and our colours are deep reds, we would go for a poinsetta on each table - cheap and cheerful!

I do like the idea still, however, I thought the other day about fruit!! I thought dark red fruits (e.g. apples) would look great.  Question...is anyone else doing this, or do they have pictures of any?  Not googled it yet, thats my next call!


Jayne x

x posted! 
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Writer's Block: Last Night's Dreams [Feb. 9th, 2008|07:03 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |Doha, Qatar]
[Current Mood |dreamy]
[Current Music |The DaVinci Code]

What did you dream about last night?
Last night I had a dream that I was 3 months preg.  I had this little tiny bump that under the sweater I was wearing you couldn't really see, but I kept feeling it, so I knew it was there and it felt funny, but good.  Michael was there, and we were announcing to a group of people that we had just got engaged and we were having a baby.  It was to the Yarm crowd that we were saying it, but we weren't in Yarm...wierd!!

Jayne x

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hey [Jun. 27th, 2007|04:38 pm]
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[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Current Music |none]

I've not written in here for a while because lately I've been more in the mood for writing in my paper diary.  I go through phases like that. Not that often though it has to be said.

I read an article about a teacher in the paper the other day who started venting about her school and other things, calling the kids and the parents names.  Silly thing, and naive thing to do, but I do sympathise.  Every teacher does it at some point or another, they just don't all get caught.

I think it's made me more cautious about venting on the net.  Hence the paper diary is back out.

Sorry it's short and pointless, may still write from time to time.


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updaed to do list. [May. 29th, 2007|10:42 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |in the front room]
[Current Mood |overwhelmed]
[Current Music |Trish Goddard - unproductive but I miss watching this! I wish I was a student!]


I rewrote my to do list last night because there were so many things I had missed off.  I'm not nearly as far ahead as I wanted to be but thas more because everything took me longer than expected than because I didn't do enough work.  I think it's a saving grace that it's pissing down because it means that we don't really want to go out anywhere anyway.  Here is the original and updated to do list (does that make sense? I know what I meant).

- plan lietracy for next week.
- plan PMs for next week.
- Mark maths boooks.
- Do homework schedule for next week.
- Make/find resources for next week. - done this for PM's and some maths but need to finish maths and literacy.
- write reports.
- look at and update assessments
- apply for jobs in Peterlee and Redcar.

Argh! How was I working for so long yesterday and still only managed to cross one thing off the list?!?

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fuck off world. [May. 10th, 2007|05:36 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |home, in bed, not wanting to face the world]
[Current Mood |pissed offpissed off]
[Current Music |none]

Is this unprofessional or is it just me?

I run an art club at school on a Thursday night, which starts 15 mins after school ends.  This is because I see my children out of the door and go to the loo and make myself a coffee, all of which takes about 15 mins.  During the 15 mins between school finishing, my 8 art club members go outside in the warmer weather, which they did today.

This has been going on for as long as I have been at the school (since last October) and was a tradition started by y predecessor. 

Today, the heads daughter, SB, who is the reception teacher at my school, came in all guns blazing and shot me down for this, in no uncertain terms, in front of my art club members, several of whom are in my class.  She made me feel belittled, undermined, underrated and plain stupid in front of my class.  

I'm not looking forward to tmw when the rest of the class gets wind of it.  It'll be playground gossip that I was made a fool in front of other members of staff.

I also have an interview for another job tmw.  Good.  Hope I get it, the sooner I get out of this place the better!

I had PG look through my lesson today for the interview tmw.  She asked me if I'd thought about questions - I've not really.  I don't know if thats a good or a bad thing.  I hope I get to see the questions before the interview as then at least I can have some time to prepare.  I'm so pissed off about this, I can't stop crying.  I'm not sure what the tears are for - being embarrassed and undermined in front of my class, the fact that I don't realy think I did anything wrong as children are often unsupervised in the playground before school, the fact that I'm dreading facing my class tmw as they are all going to know about it by then and they are the type that are likely to et me alive for it - although there are a few who are fiercly loyal, there are also a few who won't be!

I know PG won't do anything about it either, because SB is her daughter. SL the deputy is really close to her (wonder sometimes if he's too close).  I texted SB earlier and said that if she has something to say in the future will she please do it in private. She's not replied.  LC texted me and said that it was disgusting what happened and she and all the other members of staff who witnessed it are all behind me 100%.  I'm bound to get some repercussions tomorrow about it, but I guess thats another day.

Please God, let me get this job tomorrow.

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oh for crying out loud [May. 2nd, 2007|08:59 pm]
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[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood |pissed offpissed off]
[Current Music |coyote ugly in the background.]

why do I have to be one of them people who always tried to please everyone?

Heidi texted me last night and asked me fi I wanted to go over to hers for a while.  Thing was, with aplying for thes jobs I really had to do my letter last night because I needed to get it in today as that was when the job closed.  I said no and she was really pissed off about it.

To make it up to her, I called her this afternoon, which is my afternoon off, and asked her if she wante to meet up for a coffee.  I didn't really hav the time to do it because I have work to do on a Wednesday afternoon as I like to keep my weekends free - but besdies that, all of the planning (which is what I had to do that afternoon) has to be on the school system by 1pm on a Friday, so I HAVE to use my PPA producltively.  Anyway, still, I tried to make some time.  She said she was busy and had to collect the bairn from school but she would call me tonight and see if  wanted to go out for something to eat.  I didn't promise anything, but said if I'd goten enough work done then I would.  Anyway,  fully intended to go as I thought I would come home straight away and get on.  I did that, but fter I'd finished my literacy plans I ws ao tired I had to have a lie down and I ended up falling asleep, and thus sleeping through Heidi's call.

She's just sent me a really snoty text telling me how I'm always letting her down and I don't want to go out and have fun the way I used to.  See, before I worked I would be at Heid's house literally every night, getting drunk or staying up until all hours.  The thing is I can't do that anymore.  I bring home on average 31 books a night to mark, plus  have planning and resources to make on top of that.  I don't have time for me to recover, never mind to go and see anyone else. 

My time on the weekend is usually spent with Michael, and rightly or wrongly thats how it is staying.  I work hard all week to see Michael for the weekend and yeah ok you can argue I should spend some of that time with Heids but I don't.  Besides that, her fella is home at the weekend anyway so I feel as though I'm intruding there as well.

Maybe I am being selfish.  I can't free up any more time though.  Teachers work hard term time, and play hard during the holidays.  Thats just the way it is.  I asked for this, and I don't regret it, I just know it's dificult for people who don't teach or have never had any involvement in the system other then being a parent to understand. She would be the first one to complain if her daughters books weren't marked, or report wasn't out on time or if she wasn't being challenged enough at school because the teacher wasn't planning the lessons thoroughly enough!

Rant over - I love Heids to bits, but I wish she'd take a second to see things from my POV.

J xxx

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my new pets. [Apr. 28th, 2007|06:51 pm]
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[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |none]

So I finally got the birds I was after.  I didn't get budgies in the end I am the proud new owner of a pair of karakikis.  Don't worry, I'd never heard of them before either before I got them.  They are part of the parrot family, although a lot cheaper and I won't need to leave them to anyone in my will as they only live around about 12 years.  Still means I will have them well into my thirties though - what a scary thought!

So my dad right now is modifying the cage (in typical dad style) so that they have more space and they can walk on the bottom, because we read on the internet that they like that better.

Anyway, I will try and do something I've never done before and post some pics of them on here.  The green one is called Monty, as in Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.  Yellow one was originally called Smithers, but Auntie Betty didn't like it so we changed it to Carlo - so we now have Monty and Carlo.

CarloCarlo on his ownMonty
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hmmm... [Apr. 26th, 2007|07:43 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , ]
[Current Location |at home, on the new couch]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Current Music |frasier on the tv in the background]

I have very mixed feelings at the minuite.  I was told tonight that there won't be anything for me after the new year (when my contract runs out Dec 31st).  I have very mixed feelings about this.  College always told us that we shouldn't stay in a job longer than your NQT year as your always labelled as the NQT and it's hard to shake that off - however I'm not so sure how true that is in my schools as there are three members of staff who started out as NQTs but they don't seam to still have that label attached - however, that could be because I'm new.  Anyway, PG has said that there aren't too many jobs about (she knows I only want permanent now so that I can get me a mortgage) and so she will release me slightly early from my contract if I would like to start in September.  She also said that she is going to see if she can get my NQT year pushed through so that if I am applying for new jobs I can apply as a fully qualified teacher as I've already met all of the standards (really early! get me!) which means I'm more employable because although I'm slightly more expensive, they don't have to pay for as much release time (NQT's get an extra half day a week) so the cost will even itself out, and I obviously have more experience than an NQT.  So I've done a job seach tonight, and I've found two permanent jobs that look as though they may be suitable.  The first is at a school I looked around when I was applying a year ago which was really nice.  I applyed but didn't hear anything so I think I will give them another go - I even still have my original notes from the visit.  Obviously I won't be able to visit schools this time as I'm working.  The second school is Chris' old primary school that has a perm and a temp job going - obviously I'm going to only go for perm.  I guess in a lot of ways the presure s off, because it's not the end of the world if I don't find another job before then.  I guess everything happens for a reason - maybe the reason this has happened is so that Michael and I can find jobs together and get a place together.  I don't know...maybe thats just wishful thinking on my part...or maybe I will ask him tomorrow night when we have had a few! (Il vino veritas?!?)

I upgraded my tarriff today and got myself a new phone!  It's the new sony ericcson thingy with the walkman on - you know the black and red one with the walkman built into it.  I'm not sure I've made the right decision but I have a 14 day trial period where if I don't like it I can send it back and get a new one from them free, so I thought I may as well go for it.  It's an 18 month contract but the warenty on the phone extends to the length of the contract.  It's the first time I've gone away from Nokia since...well a long time! My last 4 phones have been Nokias and there were a couple before that as well!  I always have the one I have now to fall back on if anything goes desperately wrong with it!  

Ah well, I'm looking forward to tmw night with Michael more than I usually do.  I think thats because I don't feel as though I spent all that much time with him last week with the funeral and what not!  We are going to TGIs tmw night, and we are going to get drunk and enjoy the most of being employed, young and childless!

Guess if thats the case I best go and do my planning and my marking! 
Take care all
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cause of death [Apr. 23rd, 2007|07:54 pm]
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[Current Location |nana's chair]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |corrie in the background]

I have my nana's death certificate.  Here is her causes of death...

I (a) Stroke
   (b) Hypertension

II Chronic Renal Failure, Ischaemic Heart Disease

Means nothing to me.  Going to google it.  If I find anything there will be an edit.

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